Confessions of a gay worship leader

Most weeks I will be posting here on the blog but I think that is important to get a chorus of voices talking about what they see God doing. This is why I invited my friend Josh Hill to post this week and this is what he had to say….



As strange as this may sound, this little piece of news hit me really hard today:

Christians Shocked, Saddened Over Boltz’s Homosexuality

There is shock and sadness in the Christian community over word that famed Christian vocalist Ray Boltz has publicly announced he’s living a homosexual lifestyle. In an interview with the Washington Blade about the announcement, Boltz said, “If this is the way God made me, then this is the way I’m going to live…I really feel closer to God because I no longer hate myself.” Boltz, a father of four who was married for 33 years before officially divorcing his wife this year, is well-known for his widely acclaimed songs “Thank You” and “I Pledge Allegiance to the Lamb.”

My dad listened to Ray a lot when I was young, when the “Contemporary Christian” genre and the modern praise and worship movement were in their early stages. Because of that, his music has a special place in my heart. I cried when I heard “Thank You” the first time; the same with “I Pledge Allegiance to the Lamb”. Lame, probably, but the message in those songs is powerful and, I believe, Spirit-filled. So, I feel a sense of personal loss at the news, and I’m grieving for Ray’s family, the loss of his personal ministry, and definitely for Ray himself.

Now, the subject of the news itself is nothing new in the recent (and not so recent) history of the Evangelical body. There are countless examples of men (and women) — many in a much more prominent position than Boltz currently holds — who have had very public failures, or who have made public declarations about their beliefs or lifestyles that are in direct opposition to the Word. Leaders are human, and ‘prone to wander’ as much as the rest of us; scripture makes that plain. But the Bible also explains that leaders are held to a higher standard (see the note to teachers in James chapter 3 for one example). With that higher standard comes greater blessing and opportunity, but it can also bring more pressure, and certainly more attacks from Satan. One of the great battles the modern church has to address is the battle of sexual sin. This is one of Satan’s favorite weapon’s in his arsenal, and he goes to it frequently and, sadly, with a great success rate. Ray’s sin is one of the many varieties of sexual sin Satan uses to trap believers. He obviously struggled with it for a long time, and I assume he struggled silently and on his own. He eventually gave in because, contrary to what Rambo taught us, you don’t defeat the enemy on your own.

I don’t want to go on and on here, but I want to ask everyone who is reading this to take a moment right now to pray for the Christian leaders who have impacted your walk and are currently leading you. The percentage rates of divorce in the church are the same as those in secular society. The same is true for the number of men who admit to viewing porn on a regular basis. Even more troubling is the fact that the numbers are the same for ministers as well.

I feel like a big part of the problem is that many leaders feel like they don’t have anyone they can turn to when they are struggling; that if they are honest about the dark nights of their soul, they will be putting their ministry and livelihood at risk. And so they feel trapped, and they do nothing, and eventually we read about them in the paper or see them on the news. And Satan has won another victory. We need to continue to cultivate a culture and attitude within our churches and communities that it’s OK to struggle with things,but we have to be honest about it and WE HAVE TO SEEK HELP! James 5:16 says, “Therefore, confess your sins to each other, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.”

Many of you know that I can testify to the destructive nature of sexual sin, and I know all too well the need for more support in this area. Pray that those you know in the ministry will remain pure and seek to help others do so as well. Pray for me, that I can continue to submit my will to His every day, and not go back to who I was.

The church is the first place people struggling with hurts, habits and hang-ups should turn to; not the last. We have to model Christ in this: Accepting people right where they are, but loving them too much to let them stay there.



Josh Hill is a faithful husband to his wife and two beautiful girls and close friend.  He also is regional Worship Leader for Legacy Christian Church in Lee Summit, MO. If you want to you can catch up with him on Facebook.

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~ by westsidecollegeministry on September 18, 2008.

3 Responses to “Confessions of a gay worship leader”

  1. It grieves my heart to hear this. When will the church start preaching the truth and helping those who need it??? We are becoming to much like the world. There seems to be no remorse or shame for the sin we chose to committ. Help us LORD! Make me a servant of Your Word and truth!

  2. Josh Hill is not a faithful husband. He has comitted adultery several times.

    Maybe you should have him quote you on fidelity.

  3. Hey “Faithful Servant” Josh Hill is a friend of mine and he’s human. He’s intitled to his opinion and while I don’t 100 percent agree with it, I know if we were to be labeled by the bad things we do there’s probably little hope for any of us, you and me included. Right. Next time, have a look at Matthew 7:5 before you post something like this.

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