Tête-à-tête (A private conversation)

My family is a motley crew of misfits and non-conformist, for instance I do not conform to some of the social norms within the black community, I am not a Democrat (nor Republican), I married a white woman, but I am not the only one who is outside of the “norms” within my family and I so appreciate them all. Every holiday my family gathered together to do what we do each holiday…… eat! We eat and eat and eat, all while drinking, talking and arguing. We tend to separate between men and women, which I never noticed until my wife entered the picture. I absolutely love that do this and miss those who can’t make the gathering just as they probably do when my wife and I are gone. This last time that we got together was a little different than others, well there were many factors such as my uncle (who passed on) not being there and my sister’s new boyfriend (I think, to be honest I don’t know what he is), so many dynamics add to tensions that are in each family. Somehow my Dad and I became separated from the rest of the pack and we were in my sister’s living room, and it was actually refreshing. I have craved dialogue with someone close to me that does not end with them being offended by my different opinion. To be completely honest I do not agree with most of the positions social, political, or spiritual positions of people within my family but that is okay, to an extent. Dad and I somehow discussed each of those categories and more and I realized something, I love him so much and we have so much in common. Sometimes I forget how similar I am to my mom and dad, but I come from them, I am an amalgamation of them both. I know that when I look at them I tend to focus on their faults and shortfalls but there is so much more to them and I embody both sides of them. My father is a critical thinker who is not easily fooled, he has had so many life experiences that I will never be able to comprehend but he tried to teach me how to not make some of the mistakes that he made and how not to repeat them. The other thing that I inherited from them both was a very hard head; this had caused me to experience some pain that, like my parents, is indescribable to them and sometimes others. This was and is so painful, to not be able to communicate my ideas and wants in life but I do not think that they would fully understand. I struggle to be estranged from those I love so much, because I do not always have the same goals and aspirations. We do share many things in common but the more I submit myself to Christ, the more alienated I feel. Sunday was a little different though, for the first time in years my father and I had a conversation that was so filling and refreshing, even though we were not in complete agreement it was beautiful to be able to ask questions and answer questions about what is going down in our contexts. My father spoke frankly about our presidential candidates and our “economical crisis” in the nation, we joked about life and yet another doomed boyfriend entering the family, we just were. It felt so good to sit at the “feet” of my dad and learn again. When I was younger I drank in every word that my dad spoke, whether right or wrong, to learn and be more like him. My father was my god, infallible, perfect, and just. I have sense learned that I was wrong on most accounts but I yearn for a father that fulfills my deepest self. I have been struggling with this concept lately (see Family Pt. 1, 2, 3) but I realized something, dad is not and never wanted to be a replacement for God the Father. Our Heavenly Father yearns to be our provider and sustainer. He is the one that supplements my life and augments my heart, He directs my growth and embraces me, as is. The reason I bring this all up is to say that my father no matter how much he has messed up wants the best for his children; he did not necessarily want us to look at him as god, but an authoritative figure. Yet God the Father does want us to focus on him as Abba, he begs us to curl up in Him arms, He beckons us to come and listen to His word that is life, that is refreshing, that is sustaining. My interaction with my dad was just a 20 minute taste of what God our Father has yearned for us to taste of Him and His goodness. You are summoned to a Tête-à-tête with Him, sup, drink, listen………………………….

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!
Psalm 34:8

~ by Jon Nelson on March 27, 2008.